Today marks a turning point in my Life, inwardly, outwardly…
I did not change anything, but read a small article from J.Krishnamurti about Authority. And then came this very simple yet profound turning point. I will summarize it in those following lines for anyone wanting to know what is and where THE big illusion lies…
As long as I believe in Duality, meaning what really is, is different from God… meaning Dual: there is God + something else, man will have a sense of Incompleteness, meaning I am not whole, I am not everything that is. I am not the full of Life, because one part is ok, the other is not. There is good and bad, above-below, physical-Spiritual and all the dualies (decision making, heartbreaks, conflict etc) we imagine. Then in Reality, there is only ONE, THE One…OneNess. As I heard once in my Mind “To think that anything else than God has any Power, is pure Madness”
If I believe in Duality, I will feel Incomplete, seeing elements of Life that Dont belong to Me, which I imagine myself to be separated from (better or worse than “me”). Out of this feeling of Incompleteness I will try to stay above the water of what I feel and think and give myself a false Release by looking for Standards and Ideals… “The version of me that is fit, rich, enlightened, understood this or that is ok” “The version of you that is healthy, tolerant, beautiful is ok” lets go for that and deny the current PAIN and discomfort of the perceived separation… By doing this we just made Guilt seem very REAL, standardized and labelled – Now there is e.g. poor and rich, and I want rich, now there is ugly and beautiful and I want beautiful (whatever beautiful means, that is irrelevant, important is, I have somthing to STRIVE FOR to bypass the current supressed pain, Beautiful and Rich as Standards means nothing but an escape from current pain, by promising a better future…that will never come by Striving. We are making the problem seem real for a time, that’s all). Guilt being this feeling of being separate from Love, which is the Whole. Guilt is THE illusion. I repeat: GUILT IS THE ILLUSION. We are not separate from ANYTHING. Fact: we are energy and connected to the Whole: We already are what we want to be and what we do not want to be, and when we are it all,.. we are LOVE.
The Personal Turning Point came, by Realizing, that ALL MY LIFE, I have been judging myself AND others according to those Standards. Up to the point to only want to be “enlightened”. Nothing else! Enlightened People are the ones who understands it…. OMG!! Before that I wanted to be “normal” like everyone, before I wanted to be very fit and happy….. Those are all Standards and Ideals…and they all prevented me to be with what is and they made my Shadow RIZE.
To just OBSERVE, OBSERVE, OBSERVE. I can only observe what is, and see what is, if I do not have any standards and Ideals about what should be! Othewise I will be just biased. This went so far that I ended up with 40 years in India during a panchakarma (intense cleansing process) crying on my bed: … “I did EVERYTHING what THEY told me to do, and I am in so much pain”… That was just a very good summary of the Authority problem I had let enter into my Life: Up to that point I did everything what society, parents, school, boyfriends, husbands, strangers..etc wanted.. I could feel – and I had become very good at – “sensing” what was ok and not ok and behaving accordning to it. I had the best grade at school, I went to Universtiy studying just “something” to please the standards, I wanted to please everyone out of Ignorance! I thought that was my job to make everyone happy by pleasing all the expectations. What I thought you and I should be, so that everything could be ok. Never the idea crossed my mind to not be a Dog but more like a Cat. A Dog wants to fullfill all the expectations of the perceived Master (Standards and Ideals of the Master). The Cat knows- there is only 1 Master, it is LOVE and I am THAT. In the words of J Krishnamurti: “Be willing to stand in the light on your own”.
The other realization that came is by always looking for something – aka being a “Spiritual Seeker” and always questioning if what I was doing was the “Highest”, I could never feel Gratitude for what is. Because what I was looking for, was in my Perception still to be found. And Gratitude comes when we are with what we want, not when we are seeking for it. So gradually, my feeling of Gratitude over the years left me. I never got what I thought I really wanted, because I always thought it was out of Reach. Meanwhile, Reality was always there, I was obsessed by Standards and Ideals…
My Husband on the day of my Turning Point had a Severe Hadeache from having been at the Dentists, and undergone some intervention. As I was explaining Him my Discovery He could not really comprehend what I was saying. Until I connected to Him in the most Simple Way… I just realized that he needed to Feel Loved, as HE IS NOW! Meaning without any Standards, nor Ideals (he is not supposed to feel any other way that he is feeling now, My Husband sick or not, being able to work or not is not more loved that the other version). I am HIM in this moment, I OBSERVE, OBSERVE; OBSERVE, I feel into my Body AND Trust Fully what is happening. And like a Mother knows exactly what is going on with her Child and know instinctively what to do, I just knew what to do (essential oil of Clove on the Teeth and massage with Ghee on the Temple). By doing this AND having the attitude “you dont have to comply to ANY Standards, nor Ideals, you can just be” he fell asleep in my arms after 5 min! When he woke up he just said: Thank you, Thank you, Thank you!!
If you are interesed in what I did.. I did the following: While holding Him in my arms, against my Heart: I just repeated inwardly to any parts of his Body and of My body that came to Mind “Be as you are – No Standards, no Ideals”: with his throat “No Standards, no Ideasl, you can express yourself as you are” “With my womb: No Standards-no Ideals, I can be the Women I am” Extending it to all the Women I had met up to that point in time “No Standards- no Ideals”. Feeling into the Energy that is being released (so much Violence has been inflected toward our body parts for the sake of “something else/better/worthier”! And please no blaming of Society: who is this Society? :-P)- Feeling AND Trusting at the Same time. Trusting means: Feeling the Strength! That the Truth that is expressing itself inside of ME is the Strongest of ALL. Realization: Patience is Feeling into what is + Trust! Not just feeling and not trusting nor trusting and not feeling, no! Both at the same time, that is the magic Key for the Healing Stream to flow freely to us and because we connect directly to Reality: this flows to everyone connected.
Any Pain- Any Discomfort comes from Guilt. The Problem of my Husband was not the Headache, but the Believe that while having a headache he is not complying with the Standard or Ideal of the man he should be, that like this he cannot fullfill his Duty like he should or not at all, from this arises Conflict, because there is Resistance to what is. There CANNOT BE A RESISTANCE TO WHAT IS if we do not untertain Standards and Ideals of what should be. So by dropping them Himself he could have let Love flow freely (Divine Life Force, called Strom by The Famous Healer Bruno Gröning) to the Pain, Healing it Himself. But instead this happened: Standard–> Resistance–>neither feeling nor trusting–> no Love–> Healing seems to be blocked. As he could not let that go, I took over NATURALLY – there was no decision, but a natural flow of action and knowingness what to do. I dropped all the Standards and Ideals and welcomed him as He is FULLY as Myself in my arms, letting Myself and Him Rest in God, in what is, letting us both be healing.
To get out of the feeling of Duality, it is enough to utter the following words inside of us meaning it: “I AM THAT” or “I AM ALSO THAT” and OBSERVE, OBSERVE, OBSERVE, Feeling inside of the Body, dropping inside and Trusting what is happening that is Patience, the Mother of all Virtues. Patience lets the Divine Force heals us, while the illusion drops away from the Mind! Sickness is a derivative of Guilt, Guilt being an illusion, Sickness is… an illusion, it has a MENTAL part, always.
